“I lived in Shanghai from 2nd-8th grade. Being different in China contradicted the inherent set of values in our culture. Chinese culture revolves around the idea of “face,” and being anything other than a cisgender, heterosexual person meant losing your “face” and bringing shame upon your family. My family moved to Texas in 2010, and it felt safer to explore both my sexuality and gender identity.⠀
⠀
I spent most of my teenage years very confused and mentally unwell. I initially masqueraded my identity as a trans person under my sexuality as a gay woman. Looking back, I did not have the knowledge or terminology to convey how I felt. I was experiencing gender dysphoria. I was assigned female as birth, but now I identify as non-binary. Gender has always been a difficult concept for me to grasp, and I feel it will be a lifelong journey.⠀
⠀
My pronouns are “they/them,” which is in tune with how I feel inside. I was terrified about being called weird, being an outcast in my family and fitting into a conservative career field like medicine. I joined @UTHSCSAPride and serve the uninsured LGBTQ community in Bexar County as one of the Pride Community Clinic’s coordinators. I entered medical school wanting to serve minority and underserved communities. The Pride Community Clinic at UT Health does just that by providing comprehensive, gender-affirming care for queer patients who may have been disrespected at other institutions.⠀
⠀
I appreciate the sentiment of Pride month, but these discussions need to happen all year. I have worked hard to be comfortable in my own skin; I’m almost there. I feel ready to start testosterone therapy, a step 22 years in the making. I still worry about what my classmates will think of me, but I am determined to stay true to myself. To other baby queers reading this, I was once in your shoes, feeling depressed about my identity. You have to fight through those difficult moments. I promise that it gets better. You will find people who support, accept and love you for who you are. I would be remiss if I fail to mention that there would be no Pride if it weren’t for Black, queer trans women at Stonewall.
Story: John Kouam, Photo: Sujaan Lal
Read about masking San Antonio during the COVID-19 pandemic:
https://sapeopleproject.org/masking-san-antonio/
Other stories by John Kouam:
Jade Cotton: https://www.instagram.com/p/CA_Kgi5nVlp/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Skyler Kanegi: https://www.instagram.com/p/CBrDfsnjx93/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link