It was the week after I turned 20 that I found out I was pregnant. I now have a three year old little girl named Stella and I’ve been a solo parent starting from pregnancy onward. It was towards the end of my spring semester of my sophomore year at Texas Tech that I found out and looking back, it worked out beautifully because my due date was two weeks before my finals that fall semester. I was able to take that next spring semester off and move back in with my parents. I took nine hours of online courses, studied for my MCAT, and ended up taking it all before I went back to Lubbock to finish my degree.
I felt supported during that time, but there are ways that I could have been supported that could have been better. There’s barely any resources for moms who are students and that was really challenging. I’d have Stella with me for two weeks, and then I would meet my mom halfway between San Antonio and Lubbock to switch off so I could focus on exams. I wish there were more resources for moms so that we don’t have to sacrifice the things we want to do in motherhood for our careers.
I started my journey in medicine pretty early in high school. My neighbor growing up was Dr. Steve Seidner, so when I got into high school and started having interests in medicine, he was the first one to really give me that opportunity to shadow. Throughout high school, I did a lot of NICU work here at University Hospital. A lot of the things that shaped my view of medicine were based on those experiences. NICU shadowing can be really tough, but it’s very, very, very rewarding.
I remember coming home after my very first day in the NICU and telling my dad how amazing it was. Shadowing consistently throughout my high school career, I would see everything from babies being discharged completely healthy to the more heartbreaking cases and that was kind of the defining moment for me. I thought that if I can see and not only handle, but still feel this passion in the lowest of lows with medicine then this was validation that this is what I’m supposed to do.
Going into undergrad, a speciality in pediatrics was on my mind but my pregnancy really influenced me to want to be an OB/GYN. I was really lucky to have a healthy pregnancy and that actually ended up being something that really shaped my perspective. I thought if this is so easy for me, but it’s so difficult for many other people and there’s a way that I can ease some of that struggle, then that’s what I want to do.
I’m also really big on women empowerment and I consider myself a strong feminist. Within OB/GYN, the specific patient population I want to work with are women in prisons because they are an extremely overlooked population. Social justice and advocacy is something that is really near and dear to my heart. Eventually, I could see myself transitioning into more of the political realm to advocate on a larger scale whether that be through lobbying or working on public initiatives like expanding women’s health access in jails.
The Mommies clinic is one of Dr. Newton’s projects that I’ve gotten the opportunity to work on. The clinic is dedicated to helping pregnant women with a history of opioid abuse who are taking methadone. It aims to help patients who are most disenfranchised, like those dealing with homelessness, with drug addiction, or with domestic violence. They get their prenatal care from the medical team and students like me provide education covering things like nutrition during pregnancy and breastfeeding. The program also provides access to individual, group, and couples therapy. Each woman is also assigned a patient coordinator that is there to guide them every step of the way. The impact that they’re making at the clinic is so much bigger than just medical care. MOMMIES was a reminder of why I’m doing what I’m doing and I see why I’m pushing really hard to get through my medical education, no matter how long it takes.
I matriculated in 2020 and for a year, it was completely online. Going through that and having undiagnosed, untreated ADHD was really tough. On top of that, I experienced four deaths of loved ones in a period of nine months. So for me I was just trying to get by, by the skin of my teeth. I think looking back, I was just woefully under prepared for what medical school requires. A lot of that wasn’t necessarily my fault, but a lot of that also was the way I spent my time in undergrad. But going back and repeating the first year of school was the best decision I could have made.
You start medical school and it’s so overwhelming, but as it goes on and goes on, you start to catch yourself thinking more like a physician. It took me a while, but now I understand how I’m supposed to think. I’m understanding the material to the full depth that I need to in order to be a good physician. And as a result, my future patients are going to be better off rather than if I just tried to rush through and get it done on the standard timeline.
I think I was in such a rush being in the position that I was, but I had a wake up call during the first year to take a break so that I can do better and meet the potential that I know I have.
My perspective and the life that I’ve lived is really unique. I believe I’m in the position that I’m in now and I’ve had as much success as I’ve had because of my family. My parents are the only reason that medical school is possible for me. They live in town and do the brunt of the childcare. In the same way that my grandmother was my primary caregiver growing up, my daughter is getting that from my parents. That’s something that is a huge blessing, but is also a source of a lot of guilt and shame. Women are expected to be able to work, excel in motherhood, and basically be everything but get little support. I think a big reason why I don’t meet a lot of people in my position here is because I have that financial and familial support that a lot of other women don’t. One reason why I want to work with vulnerable populations is because those are the women that have lived lives like mine, but don’t have the safety net and opportunities that I’ve been so lucky to have.If I had any advice for someone in my position, speaking mom to mom: I want you to know that it’s going to be okay. It may not feel like it’s going to be okay, but it will be. And regardless of where you are in life, it is vitally important to have a support system. Whether that be family, friends, or even someone like your OB, having that support when you’re feeling alone is vital. If you have people in your life that you care about, it’s okay to ask them for help even if you feel like you shouldn’t need it. You feel like you’re constantly doing things wrong, and there’s a lot of mom guilt and shame. But also as long as you love your kids and show them that you love them, they are going to be fine. It’s so worth it to find and take advantage of those resources because it can help change your perspective and make you feel empowered. You might not notice it immediately, but you can look back and see how much you’ve grown. There are things I regret, but at the same time I know that it’s shaped who I am and it’s empowering to see where I’ve come from and where I’m at in my journey now.
Story: Allison Vasak, Photographs: Allison Vasak, Cameron Walker