As a first-gen, first-born Indian American, I’ve always struggled with my identity. In middle and high school, I tried to distance myself from my culture instead of embracing it and seeing it as a part of who I am. I liked celebrating our religious holidays for the sake of beautiful Indian clothing and jewelry, but that was about it. I didn’t know much about India’s history or Hinduism, the religion I was raised with. I didn’t understand why my parents made me go to classes every Sunday to learn my mother-tongue language, Telugu. I didn’t like that my parents would pack me homemade Indian meals for lunch that I had to eat at school around everyone. But these experiences are ubiquitous among my generation of South Asian diaspora.
It wasn’t until college that I started to appreciate my culture as I should. Part of that was the people I surrounded myself with. In high school, I was around many other Indians, all trying to be “less Indian and more American,” but at UTSA, I found people embracing both parts of their identity. Joining a Bollywood Fusion Dance Competition and meeting many other South Asians dancing traditional and fusion Indian dance styles has considerably influenced my love of my culture. I love that I know my mother-tongue language, so I’m grateful to my parents for making me go to those classes for years because I don’t want to lose that part of my identity and culture.
How do I balance my Indian and American identities? How do I navigate a society that judges children of immigrants for embracing their culture “too much?” I’ve grappled with many comments regarding this: being criticized by those in my community for being “too American,” but also having felt different for being “too Indian” and “too cultured.” Embracing the struggles of developing my identity, I look forward to the future where I not only navigate this society, but am empowered to move through it, with love and appreciation of my culture and who it makes me.
Story: Mallika Kodati, Photographs: Allie Vasak, Joe Pelaez
