“Pain. It’s a natural response that causes one to withdraw from or avoid a situation. We learn this concept both practically and didactically at a very young age, but when I was 19 I was thrust deeply into its clutches. ⠀
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Testicular cancer. My doctor said it softly as he explained how the tumor was compressing my testicular artery. It’s dull nagging morphed into a razor-like, burning sting, and though I didn’t know it yet, I would still be in pain even after its removal. This tumor and I had no shared past, but we were now bound in a tortuous matrimony.⠀
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The biopsy showed a poor prognosis; I needed an orchiectomy. I didn’t want to lose an integral part of myself but I reluctantly agreed. I had lost a piece of me, but the pain remained. Apparently the phantom limb phenomenon applied to the testis too. I was referred to a specialist who prescribed increasing doses of opiates in ever shortening office visits, and I went down that path none the wiser. I lost weight. A guy my size shouldn’t have a 28 inch waist. I began to withdraw from my loved ones as my thoughts slowed to a crawl and left school.⠀
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Later, a new specialist tried to attack the underlying cause of my problems. Although she was ultimately unsuccessful, her persistence renewed my faith in physicians, and she referred me to her mentor after exhausting the available options.⠀
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My first foray into invasive therapy was a spinal cord stimulator which failed. My new doc was sure that a dorsal root ganglion (DRG) stimulator would work, but since it still needed FDA approval so we used an intrathecal pain pump as a bridge between opiates and the DRG. 3 years later, I am not on opiates, the DRG covers 95% of my pain, and I am well on my way to pursuing my interest in pain medicine.⠀
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Over the years, I have been a teacher and a patient. I am a son and a brother. My own pain led me to pursue medicine, but my past and current roles have helped me understand what it is to care. People have long, hard and complex stories that are accompanied by intense suffering. Regardless of form, pain requires attention, and it demands consistency. I hope I’ll be able to give both to whoever comes into my care.”
Story and photo by Sujaan Lal
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